Beautifully Broken 2-7-08

Beautifully Broken 2-7-08

Trust is a wonderful, miraculous thing. No matter if one is deceived, trust can always be rebuilt with a little effort, but the question we all must face is will your wall of trust just be knocked down again?But the truth i, once the wall is knocked down it is always rebuilt less sturdy, less strong, then the time before. Sometimes I feel as if pain has a similar effect; once you're hurt, you feel unbearable pain, but as you build up your wall of protection, when it's knocked down, and one is hurt again, it tends to hurt less. So as the process is repeated, the pain lessens with each re-occurring happening. It decreases in such a manner that after a certain point, you become numb to the pain, so you feel nothing anymore. So I wonder, what do I have to lose? Even if I'm hurt again I will feel nothing. But then I ponder, as I leave my guarded wall down, and i let you in, the wall begins to disintegrate, until all the is left is ashen memories. But as your inside my wall of protection, my only protection from the hurt, and all is well, you begin to attack from the inside. Destroying the numbness that i had worked so hard to uphold, the only protection I had to the pain, you destroyed. Leaving me beautifully broken, persevering forward with a fake mask. and yet there is one saying that lingers in my mind; "Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened."

So I'm here wondering, is all that worth the memories and the experience that will occur if I let you in? Thus my delema, and I find my final question to be, Are you worth it? Are you worth the experience? Worth the pain!?

So as i end on this final note, i wonder if i'll ever find the answer to that question.