I Will Survive 3-23-08

note: i wrote this on request of my friend who went through a breakup.

"I Will Survive" 3-23-08

My trust I had instilled in you.
Your love I've found, to be untrue.
To me you said, that u never dumped
For no reason. Never left them stumped.
Yet here i am, hurt and confused.
Sitting around feeling betrayed and used.
I thought you were different, not like other guys!
And now that thought, is the one i despise.
Were you cheating? Was I not good enough for you?
These are the questions I sit around and muse.
Don't be a liar! Just tell me why!
What did I do, to make to make you say goodbye?
Now I see your just another guy...
All you do is sit and lie.
Soon you'll see you've made a mistake.
My warmth you'll want to feel, my hand you'll want to take
And when i find another guy
Be jealous as i walk on by.
So what if your not my guy?!
I will survive! And i will just walk on by.

LOVE 3-15-08

note: i did not write this from personal experience, i wrote this from being inspired by a friends feelings.


"Love" 3-15-08

The warmth of your skin

The beat of your heart

Always leaves me wondering

If we will ever part

Your soft, warm scent

Left lingering on me

Happiness is what its meant

Happiness to be, happiness still left unseen

The strength of your hand

Yours in mine

Our fingers intertwined

Makes me wonder;is he really mine?

And makes me see, we'll do just fine.

Your mine? is it true?

Am I dreaming? Someone wake me.

Am I really here with you?

So tell me this so i can see.

Do you care for me like I for you?

Do you think of these things too?

Cause baby, I think I love you.

And I need to know if you love me too.

Message in a Bottle 2-27-08

(i found an old poem of mine and decided to put it up!)

"Message in a Bottle" 2-27-08

Why all the pain and the hate?

Why cant we all just communicate.

All the talks and the lies, Just the things we all despise.

Why cant we all get along, Instead we all just fight and march on.

Sometimes we march in the right, Sometimes we march in the wrong.

And yet all we do is fight,

It keeps on going, all along.

We keep things bottled up And all it gets us is into a depressed stage.

To afraid to turn the page.

To scared to move on, to stuck in the past.

Praying that this hurt and pain wont last.

Your too sad to talk,

To scared to not.

Your not sure which way to walk,

Or which place to stop, afraid you'll get caught.

We're all sick of this pain and hate.

And yet we all refuse to communicate.

We know what to do.

And yet we refuse.

We just sit around a muse.

Instead of what we should do.

We should act, not sit and ponder.

We should talk, but instead we sit and let our minds wander.

Are you a message in a bottle? yes.

So open up. let me in so i can receive your s.o.s.

How dare you 3-8-08

How dare you 3-8-08

Were your sorrys true?

Or are you just a fake?

For right now i don't trust you.

I mean you've done it again for goodness sake!

How dare you!

What, did you expect me to spare you?

You don’t even care now do you?

All you wanted was joy to impair you..

You had your eye on the prize.

It was all you saw.

No matter how many people you despise,

You stepped on them, then fell to a crawl

How dare you!

What, did you expect me to spare you?

You don’t even care now do you?

All you wanted was joy to impair you..

You cared not who you stepped on.

Or who you hurt.

As long as they stayed quiet, then you pretend there gone.

I mean you treat them all like dirt!

How dare you!

What, did you expect me to spare you?

You don’t even care now do you?

All you wanted was joy to impair you..

Maybe this is for the best.

Maybe I should just forget you.

Should I pursue this?

And witness the rest?

Our friendship is askew, no matter what you do.

How dare you!

What, did you expect me to spare you?

You don’t even care now do you?

All you wanted was joy to impair you..

The Circus 3-4-08

" I feel like I'm on a high wire, juggling the weight of the world. No net below. If I fall, will you catch me? Will you save me? or will you just watch me fall?"

The Hurt 3-4-08

The Hurt 3-4-08

Am i worth the breath? do they just not trust me? am i worth it? do they care? do they not see wat all this ignoration is doing to me? its not just one person, its multituldes, which makes me question myself, its not one person, so it must be something wrong w/ me. something i dont see. something they do. wat is wrong w/ me? is it something i've done? something i've said? i cant see it, but whatever it is is tearing me apart.
They dont see wat this is doing to me. the feeling that your friends, who are suppose to trust you, dont believe your worth the breath. the ones you've trusted to no end dont return the favor. it makes me question my value, am i here just for them to have fun? and talk about behind my back? secretely be mad at me, w/o ne explination? it hurts beyond explination to know that your best friends in the whole wide world dont care...
They dont care about the effect they have on you, and the ones that you have spilled out your whole heart to and yet they dont trust you enough to return the favor, like your not worth it. the ones who u've been there for every time, the ones who ment the world to you. it hurts to know that you dont mean the same to them. that the ones who u've trusted and loved the most, dont think ur worth it, and they dont care, they dont care how much they hurt you.

(these were also gmail statuses at one point so they also contain many grammatical mistakes as well as punctuation and many others lol!)

Unnamed and Unfinished 3-3-08 and 3-4-08

Unnamed and Unfinished 3-3-08 and 3-4-08

Should I be over you?
Should I be over this?
Should I perserveer and enjoy a fake bliss? Am I making this worse then it actually is?
should i just sit and watch as this grows in a fizz?
But as it grows,
And the whole world knows,
Is it still ok to forget?
Still ok to regret?

this is not finished, just fyi. but i like the beginning. :)

The Mask 2-28-08

The Mask 2-28-08

I don't know what to do.
I want to help and comfort you.
I feel like you won't let me in.
I want to talk, but when i ask i feel I've commit a sin.
I know you trust me, or I think you do.
But I just can't seem to break though.
You wear a mask, and try to hide.
I feel like I'm in a genocide.
I see past your mask, but i can't break through.
All I want is to talk to you.
I know it hurts as you ignore the pain.
But I'm through with playing this game!
I see all the tings you feel inside.
And it makes me realize how much you've cried.
I know I can help, just let me in!
I feel the pain climbing deep from within.
I feel guilty for i cannon comfort you.
And when I try, I'm wrong, for wrong is all I can do.
I see right through your mask, and I know you see it too.
So why pretend? Why play this game? All I want is to help you.
So please, I beg you, take down the mask, let the real you out.
And let me help you, scream cry, and shout.

Worried 2-27-08

(this has been called a poem by my friends but i do not consider it that. lol! it was my gmail status so i'll put it on here as well, tell me what you think.)

You have me worried all the time. I feel something is wrong and i have no control over it. I' feel you are troubled about something, but i cannot help for u dont want it. I find myself afraid 2 talk 2 u. because i'm afraid that i'll make things worse. i dont want 2 bother you, but i also want 2 help..


please excuse the spelling and grammatical mistakes, since this was my gmail status it was never ment to be made into a formal writing piece of any kind.

Betrayed and Backstabbed 2-12-08

Betrayed and Backstabbed 2-12-08


I will not be posting this piece due to its extreme detail and blateness, and its personal level. ONly one person besides myself has read it and began to cry reading it. it's an extremely emotional and detailed piecce that i do not feel comfortable to reveal, but i just wanted 2 let u kno that i am off the topic of guys and on 2 more serious topics lol :P (for now @ least!) hehe!

The Cure 2-8-08

The Cure 2-8-08

*note: the end of this piece of writing have been excluded from this post due to insanity when i wrote this and its fiction. (just the ending)

Love is such a thing that can never be completely forgotten. Even if your stabbed in the heart, a little piece of the dagger is always in your heart, a painful little reminder. You wish to push forward, but that little reminder is holding you back, restricting yo from loving again. The little piece damages your emotions, your trust, but most of all, your heart. You feel as if you can't love again. You want tit to work out. You want to try again. But even if you do there's always that little reminder. You can try again, try to forget, But you're always more cautious, not as willing. That little reminder can restrict you. I have a little reminder, and i find the only partial cure is to forget, or try to anyway. For you can never completely forget. I want to forget and move on but it's hard. But I've done harder and i know i can succeed, but I'm not sure if it's worth the effort.


*note: ok so i took alot off! LOL this was my longest piece so far and obviously it's relatively short! hehe :)

Beautifully Broken 2-7-08

Beautifully Broken 2-7-08

Trust is a wonderful, miraculous thing. No matter if one is deceived, trust can always be rebuilt with a little effort, but the question we all must face is will your wall of trust just be knocked down again?But the truth i, once the wall is knocked down it is always rebuilt less sturdy, less strong, then the time before. Sometimes I feel as if pain has a similar effect; once you're hurt, you feel unbearable pain, but as you build up your wall of protection, when it's knocked down, and one is hurt again, it tends to hurt less. So as the process is repeated, the pain lessens with each re-occurring happening. It decreases in such a manner that after a certain point, you become numb to the pain, so you feel nothing anymore. So I wonder, what do I have to lose? Even if I'm hurt again I will feel nothing. But then I ponder, as I leave my guarded wall down, and i let you in, the wall begins to disintegrate, until all the is left is ashen memories. But as your inside my wall of protection, my only protection from the hurt, and all is well, you begin to attack from the inside. Destroying the numbness that i had worked so hard to uphold, the only protection I had to the pain, you destroyed. Leaving me beautifully broken, persevering forward with a fake mask. and yet there is one saying that lingers in my mind; "Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened."

So I'm here wondering, is all that worth the memories and the experience that will occur if I let you in? Thus my delema, and I find my final question to be, Are you worth it? Are you worth the experience? Worth the pain!?

So as i end on this final note, i wonder if i'll ever find the answer to that question.

Fully Loaded 2-7-08

Fully Loaded 2-7-08

Your the machine gun, fully loaded. And I'm the hostae, scared but ready. You ghave the power to make or break me. I'm helpless, I don't know if i can trust you not to shoot. I'm standing here, waiting, wating to see if you care enough not to hurt me, or if your just going to shoot accidentally. I'm still recovering from my last injury, but i think you m ight be worth the risk. I loved you once, but i don't know if I can love again with the same intensity as before. I've loved to the fullest and all i've recieved in return is a broken heart. But everytime you crawl back and i think, maybe this time will be differn't, maybe you wont hurt me. And this time is no excaption. I feel as if you deserve another chance, I keep telling myself, maybe this time will be differnt... I don't know what to do, or believe at this point. I need a sign. But there is just one final thing to say; even though your fully loaded, dont shoot.

The Crossroads 1-30-08

The Crossroads

I had my heart closed up, then you came by and opoened it back up again. Only to smash it. It didnt hurt as much as bad as i thought it would, I expected it. I can read you like a book, a confusing one, but a book nonetheless. My heart went on lock down once again, to keep it from you. You've hurt me too many times to count and i don't want to go through that again. and yet i find myself, after many months of dicipline and careful manuvering, once again falling for you. I don't want to, well, that's not it. I want to but I don't want to get hurt. Your the machine gun, fully loaded and the bullet proof vest is swiftly falling off my heart. But the queasion that I now face is should I catch the vest or not? Honey I'm falling, but I need to know if your gonna catch me, or if I need to stop myslf...

So i'm at a crossroads.

You and a large chance of immence pain, or nobody and feel nothing.

I don't know what to do, I wish to find a comprimise, but i'm afraid there is none, and if i don't pick I'm not sure what will get the better of me, my heart, or my head.